The Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco

Today, I sold my soul to the devil.

When the hype over the Doritos Locos Taco at Taco Bell began, I thought - well, it's about time they put 2 and 2 together.  People love Doritos.  People love tacos.  Some people make their Walking Tacos with Doritos (I, personally, prefer Fritos, if I plan on indulging in such a snack).  Why not make a taco shell out of Doritos?  It's a big marketing, "DUH."

And, of course, when this idea finally came to fruition - the year that I started my blog and extra credit project - I had to explain to my students why the Doritos Locos Taco would never, ever, in a million years, EVER count for extra credit.

But I had never tried it myself.  Until today.

In high school and college, I was a Taco Bell junkie.  There was one right across the street from Kennywood (and therefore, not far from my house), so it was just too easy to scooch across the street for some taco goodness.  Of course, this was long before the days of the recent Pittsburgh taco boom, so there weren't many taco options available, especially in fast food form.  My Kennywood friends and I often created a line at the drive-thru not long after the park's closing time - only to tailgate in the parking lot for an hour or so after receiving our drive-thru treats.

Those nights were pretty fun.  Pretty fun indeed.

When that Taco Bell closed, we were devastated.  Left only with McDonald's for late-night food, the tradition ended.  Sadness ensued.

The closest Taco Bell to me now is near Century Square, a rare venture for me with The Waterfront being so much more conveniently close.  However, today I had to drive to Castle Shannon, through the god-awful Curry Hollow Road construction, to take care of some business.  After fighting through detours and traffic, I was starving, and the Taco Bell sign loomed ahead on my trek down Lebanon Church Road.

A perfect opportunity to no longer be a stranger to the ways of the Doritos Locos Taco.

The Doritos Locos Taco, in its promotional casing

I pulled into the empty drive-thru with trepidation, knowing that I hadn't looked at a Taco Bell menu in years and wasn't sure how to find what I was looking for - then, there it was.  The #11 - three Doritos Locos Tacos and a drink.

Ok.  That'll do. 

My drink, a Mountain Dew, was already waiting for me at the window when I pulled around. I paid my $6.30, and before I could get my change into my purse, the super-friendly drive-thru employee was handing me my bag of Doritos Locos Taco goodness.

The Ginormous Mountain Dew

During the 15-minute drive home, the smell of the tacos permeated my car.  A familiar smell, yes, as I was reminded of fond memories of those days after Kennywood had closed, but also one of stomach upset, as I remembered some of the side effects of those tacos of the past.  What had I done?  Was I asking for a night of agony?  I am getting older - maybe my stomach couldn't handle grade D meat as well as it did...oh, wait, it didn't handle it that well before!

I tried to remain positive.  These are supposed to be delicious, right?

An ad for Taco Bell comes on as I pass the county airport.  Oh, nice.  A "mind-blowing" experience?  My mind had better be the only thing that...oh, ok, I won't say it.  Keep calm and eat tacos.  Keep calm and eat tacos...

When I arrived home, I was famished.  I immediately sat down at the dining room table to feast upon my vittles.

Taco #1 down.  Not bad.  Very Dorito-y.  But...lacking substance.  Definitely need more food in my belly.

Taco #1

Taco #2 down.  Not really seeing how spectacular these are.  I think I'd rather have a bag of Doritos.

Taco #2...well, most of it

Taco #3 - now, I know that the Wendy's slogan is "Where's the Beef?" but SERIOUSLY...I moved most of the lettuce and cheese out of the shell - removed NO meat - and...this is all of the meat that's in the taco?!  The lettuce and cheese provide a shield to make the taco APPEAR full...but it's not!  FILLER!  LETTUCE AND CHEESE, YOU ARE MERELY FILLER!

Taco #3 - WHERE'S THE BEEF?!

Yes, these tacos are not expensive, but that shell is probably the equivalent of 8 Doritos - filled with maybe 2 tablespoons of meat and 1/4 cup of lettuce and cheese COMBINED.  I call rip-off.

Aerial view, sans meat and cheese - like looking into the Grand Canyon

I mean, look at some of these tacos from Smoke BBQ Taqueria:

Chicken Apple (my personal favorite!)

Strawberry and Smoked Chicken (special)

BLT

Talk about SUBSTANCE.  Beautiful.  Gorgeous.  And moreover: DELICIOUS.  Smoked themselves right in the restaurant, the meat at Smoke is incomparable to the meat in any other taco.  No contest.

So no, kids.  I still will not count the Doritos Locos Taco - or any Taco Bell item - for your extra credit project.  Don't even ask.  

And my intestines confirm that perhaps three Doritos Locos Tacos was a bad idea.  The things I do to prove a point to you kids...ugh, and my hands still smell like cheese dust...*washes them for a 4th time*...

Taco Bell
2050 Lebanon Church Rd.
West Mifflin, PA 15122

Website: http://www.tacobell.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tacobell
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TacoBell